


Stay as You Are

by Doong_ie



Series: Stay as You Are [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kim Seungmin-centric, M/M, Platonic Cuddling, Seungmin aint straight that's the gist of it, implied are seungjin seunglix and minsung, mentioned are chanlix and changlix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27309505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doong_ie/pseuds/Doong_ie
Summary: Seungmin didn’t like the idea of Heart Kids Room to begin with but it's not like he has a say in it. As the pseudo-dating show progresses he finds himself confronting his past and how he really feels about his members.Seungmin-centric fic about what happened behind the scenes of the Heart Kids Room series perspective and the events leading up to the show's shooting.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Series: Stay as You Are [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020988
Comments: 18
Kudos: 184





	1. Hyunjin

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I recently got into Stray Kids and after reading some fics on here I felt compelled to try it out myself. I haven't really written anything seriously in a long time but I hope you enjoy! The plot is based around the Heart Kids Room Series and accounts for other fun moments that I've seen in older videos/vlives.

Today the group was filming the newest spinoff of Two Kids Room: Heart Kids Room. Seungmin wondered how many people had approved the idea before it was pitched to the members themselves. _Nothing says “we’re into girls” more than a dating show between 8 male members_. 

At first he felt a little nervous. He was reassured when they were told that not all the questions had to be related to romance and that the rounds were determined more by which members shared similar thoughts and ideals. He wasn’t the most comfortable with the idea of putting his romantic interests online for everyone to see. Especially since he wasn’t out yet.

Seungmin had known he wasn’t straight for years now. After questioning himself in his early teens only to have a crush on Day6’s Wonpil for the rest of highschool, he knew that he wasn’t only attracted to girls. But for the sake of the group Seungmin had to play a part. Today’s shooting had nothing to do with finding his soulmate, it was purely fanservice. He could tell that their management made note of the fan reception to Two Kids Song, particularly that of Lee Know and Han, and was testing the waters, leaning into the borderline queerbaiting content.

Unlike previous Two Kids Room installments, today’s set was all white, from furniture to decor. The most vibrant pops of colour were sky blue throw pillows on a white leather sectional in the makeshift waiting room where the members were settled. Hyunjin yawned before resting his head on Seungmin’s shoulder. Even though Seungmin was wide awake, he closed his eyes and rested his own head on the other. Their interaction was cut short when a staff member called up Hyunjin and led him out of the room for his take. He waved to the members and wished them good luck before stepping out. Another staff member stepped in and read out the order for Hyunjin’s potential soulmates. Felix and Han both stood up as they were led out of the room and down the hall. 

About ten minutes passed before Seungmin was called to make his way down the white hallway. He passed a smiling Felix as he took a seat next to Han, and put in his earbuds as he was pointed towards a staff member behind the camera who would text his words to Hyunjin. He glanced at Han before turning towards the screen, deciding to come out strong.

“Annyeong baby” 

Hyunjin responded before asking his first question, “What’s something you regret the most?” 

Seungmin sang out “meeting you” causing Han to burst out into laughter. Seungmin rolled his shoulders before looking past the camera saying “I don’t have any regrets, I won’t make one”.

Seungmin certainly had small regrets, but nothing worth mentioning in front of the camera. After Han gave his response, Hyunjin responded, “regrets are based on what you think”. Although he was agreeing with Seungmin’s statement, he started to second guess himself. _I think I might regret something?_

Seungmin first came out at age 17 to a classmate who he wasn’t the closest to, but did consider her to be a good friend. He didn’t have a definite label for himself at the time, not that he has one now, but he was able to talk to her about his experiences of being “not straight”. It wasn’t a dramatic or emotional experience for him, yet he still felt better about himself. After keeping his concerns to himself and his search history for quite some time, he was no longer holding himself back around her. 

The two became closer in the following months and his best friend, who he had known since his childhood, had begun to take notice. He demanded to know what she meant to him but there wasn’t anything for Seungmin to explain without letting him in on his secret. After insistently teasing him for a whole week, his friend threatened to expose his secret “girlfriend” to the rest of his friend group. As his closest friend, Seungmin knew wasn’t going to do anything, but he thought that by then he owed his best friend some type of explanation. He decided to come out to him over text and was left on read for over an hour before receiving a response.

As time went on, he was speaking less and less to his best friend. His friend more likely than not would be busy with studying or doing something for his family when Seungmin wanted to hang out. As quickly as he had opened up to his new friend, he was losing someone he had known for years. He regretted how he handled the whole situation, overanalyzing how he could’ve changed the outcome. He theorized what would have happened if he never came out in the first place, or if he waited for a better time to come out to his best friend, or if he sent a different wording of the message. Anything to undo the strain he had left in their relationship. 

Soon enough he was auditioning for JYP, and quickly realized that being “not-straight” and being an idol were mutually exclusive. The lack of openly gay idols was telling that it would only make things harder for him if someone was to find out. If he wanted even a chance to debut, he would need to stay discreet about it. He spent his training days fearing rejection or mistreatment simply for being queer. This is when he learned to separate his personal life from his career, but it was coming back up now.

“I do regret something though,” Seungmin spoke up, unsure of where he was going with the idea. He glanced at the cameras and quickly rearranged his thoughts before recounting a time when he had mistreated his parents. 

With that, Chan was hugging Seungmin before they traded places. When he got back to the room he was greeted with a loud “aaahh” from his members who were apparently surprised that he was back so soon. Minho applauded and congratulated Seungmin before going back to annoying Jeongin who was trying to watch something on his phone. Seungmin sprawled himself on the leather seating. He noticed how the members were paired off, and were leaning into each other, like couples. Felix was cozied up to Changbin and even Jeongin was somewhat accepting of Minho’s bothersome behaviour. _Who do I cuddle up to? Maybe Felix? But that’s after a heartfelt conversation and he’s with Changbin right now..._

Hyunjin popped up into his mind, remembering the boy resting on his shoulder moments ago before being pulled away. Out of all of the members, Seungmin was most fond of the fleeting moments of his skinship. Every now and then Seungmin will sit on his bed either sore from practice or while getting ready for bed , Hyunjin will join him at his side and lay on his stomach. They talk about their families or what they expect from the next day’s schedule. Just last night they were making their predictions for how Heart Kids Room would turn out. 

* * *

“Do you think Felix will end up with Changbin or Chan?” 

“Chan will pick Felix,” Seungmin replied immediately, “then Felix could pick Changbin? Maybe?”

“I can see it happening,” Hyunjin mumbled, “although I wouldn’t say they think the most alike. I don’t think Felix will choose either”. He thought for a moment, “Lee Know-hyung and Hannie for sure. That’ll give fans what they wanna see”.

By now, all the members were well aware about who was “shipped” with who. Lee Know and Han, Changbin and Felix, Hyunjin and I.N, Chan and Felix, the list went on. The fan support strengthened the bonds between some of the members, but caused some members to be more wary of what the cameras recorded. Seungmin was able to slip under the radar of any fan speculation over who could be gay in the group. 

_I’m just not loud about it...not that I’m opposed to putting on a show but… I would be less authentic if I acted like... Who am I shipped with anyway? Hyunjin…? But he’s more popular with I.N. Or was it him and Han? Hyunjin and-_

“I wonder who I’ll pick. I don’t really care as long as they’re cute,” Hyunjin said nonchalantly, “like you,” he turned his head as the brunette blushed. Seungmin kept his eyes focused on his phone screen knowing that he would be met with a smug grin on the other’s face if he were to look down. 

Seungmin concentrated to keep his breathing steady so his stomach wouldn’t rise faster than before, potentially alerting Hyunjin that his heart skipped a beat. His rigorous vocal training to master his breath control came in handy, especially when this happened so often. Hwang Hyunjin was hot and you wouldn’t need to like boys to see it. He knew that whichever member ended up as Hyunjin’s soulmate would be envied by fans all across the world.

If anyone got close to flirting with Seungmin it was Hyunjin. He was the only one that could make him flustered without even trying. He felt a little envious because he didn’t know how to retaliate. Seungmin didn’t have to tell Hyunjin how talented or handsome he was. He was sure Hyunjin would already know based on how many likes or views his selfies or fancams got in comparison to the other members. _Always more than mine_. Of course Seungmin was grateful for the compliments so he couldn’t roll his eyes or pretend to scold him. What he learned to do instead was pretend like nothing happened; he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

_Besides he does that with everyone._

_* * *_

_He does that with everyone_. The cuddling, the playful winks, the unprompted compliments on Seungmin’s voice or his puppy-like appearance. That’s just how Hyunjin expresses his affection and Seungmin was no exception. Regardless, he dismissed the possibility of cuddling since it would be a while before Hyunjin returned. 

Changbin was called up and led out for his turn in front of the cameras. With Jisung returning, Minho was freed, and Jeongin was finally at peace. As Seungmin got up and so did Felix. They nodded in agreement before teaming up to tease their maknae.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a work of fiction and is merely one interpretation of how the members interact with each other. I don’t want to assume the sexuality of any members because their personal lives aren’t any of my business unless they are open about it. I don’t think Seungmin is gay or anything but I thought about how its more likely that gay idols (which statistically there must be some in the industry) would be quiet and wouldn’t hint at their sexuality to avoid repercussions. Of course there are exceptions. I believe that “loud couples'' are how groups make fanservice and for the most part I’m buying what they sell. 
> 
> Speaking of loud couples I plan to skip straight to Lee Know's episode, so you can see my take on Minsung next Chapter.
> 
> I really enjoyed reading some canon compliant fics on here and how believable the situations can get. I hope that you were able to suspend your disbelief and feel the same way. 
> 
> I'm open to any feedback for the structure of my writing to make it more enjoyable for a reader, so let me know if maybe the way I use quotations or thoughts could be improved.


	2. Lee Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 used to be I.N's but his plotline was rewritten into Seungmin's backstory in Chapter 1.

“First off, I didn’t like Number 7 because he said hi to me so cheerfully. I like Number 6, Number 7 is out. Number 6 is the winner”.

“He thinks I’m Seungmin!” exclaimed Han.

“Pretend like you’re Number 6,” Seungmin said, deciding to play along. Han agreed as he made his way back down the hall, making sure that the staff was okay with their little prank. 

_So this is what it’s like to win._ Since he had yet to make it this far in the past two rounds, Seungmin was unsure of what to do next. The staff motioned him to switch chairs, and as he did, he watched the screen for Changbin’s last message. 

“It’s Seungmin, right?” he asked before disappearing off to the side of the screen. 

Seungmin put on his winning smile as he waited for Changbin to make his way downstairs and down the hall. He appeared to be satisfied with himself, thinking he had successfully eliminated ‘Han’ and let ‘Seungmin’ win.

“Hello, baby,” he started,“you can be my soulmate,” he continued pulling out his earbuds, “but your soulmate left”. He stood up to switch places with Han leaving Changbin dazed and Han to rub it in.

_5 more rounds to go and we can leave. When do I get to find my soulmate? Maybe I’ll pick Han if we were able to pull that off. Han hasn’t gone yet right? Maybe he’ll pick me first…_

Before reaching the doorway to join the others Lee Know came out of the room for his turn behind the screen. Seungmin raised an eyebrow prompting the older to blink twice at him before he headed towards the stairs. 

_Never mind._

Lee Know was probably the last member that Seungmin wanted as his soulmate today. It’s not that they were actually on bad terms or anything. He could just feel the endless teasing from the members and even the fans if they ended up choosing each other. Their non-verbal dialogue felt like a mutual agreement that neither of them wanted Seungmin to win. He could imagine how awkward it would be if Lee Know were to enter the room only to see Kim Seungmin equally unsatisfied with the outcome. _He’d also outsell me if he took the selfie. He has more angles than I do._

Seungmin let out a sigh walking in and taking his seat next to Changbin. For once he couldn’t just say the first answer that came to mind. Since he and Lee Know were similar enough to share a personality type, the odds of Lee Know agreeing with an instinctive response from Seungmin was significantly higher than any other member. _I’ll either have to hint that I’m the one answering or respond with something he’ll hate._

On cue Seungmin started the round, “annyeong, baby”. _What if he thinks I’m Han too?_

* * *

Introducing Minho to Jisung was maybe one of Seungmin’s best worst decisions ever. The immediate tension between the two was somewhat intriguing to him because he could hope that he might have friends that were also not-straight. Sadly, he couldn’t find any evidence to support the idea. From what he could tell, neither of them were attracted to boys in general and they were instead drawn specifically to each other. Stealing glances from across the company cafeteria evolved into flirting during dance practices or rehearsals for showcases. By the time Stray Kids debuted, being alone with the pair was like watching his parents have sex. Even if they weren’t officially ‘dating’, it hasn’t stopped them from acting like they were. 

Running his fingers through his strawberry blond hair Seungmin entered the dorm room shared between him, Hyunjin, and Minho. Upon walking in he heard Minho shouting from behind the curtain of his bed to get out. “I’m just grabbing my charger, give me 5 seconds”. This prompted Minho to aggressively count backwards from 5 leaving Seungmin to hastily retrieve his cable and shut the door behind him. He didn’t give it much thought since kicking Seungmin out of his own room was ordinary behaviour for Minho. He returned to the living room sofa and reached down to plug in his phone before realizing that he only grabbed the cable. He didn’t want to deal with Minho for a second time and decided it would be easier to find another charger.

He knocked on Jeongin and Han’s door then let himself in after hearing no response. Jeongin sat on his bed with earbuds in, taking one out to listen. Seungmin asked the younger if he needed his charger to which he lifted up his phone from under his blanket to show the connected cable. When asked what happened to his charger, Seungmin wasn’t sure how to explain himself, so he instead pointed at Jisung’s bed, “is Jisung using his?”

“I mean you can see it right there, but I wouldn’t take it without asking first”.

Seungmin evaluated his options, ultimately choosing to stay with Jeongin and charge his phone from Jisung’s bed. He looked around Jisung’s side of the room, scrunching his nose at the mess. He leaned against the wall and unlocked his phone, opening up his Instagram feed, “where is Jisung anyway?”

“Was at the studio today, but he got back like two hours ago,” Jeongin replied, not even taking his eyes off of his phone screen, “then Minho came and kidnapped him from his bed”. Seungmin’s eyes grew wide out of realization, lowering his phone onto his lap. “You could probably text him if you need it that badly''. Seungmin said nothing. He found it hard to focus on his phone as his mind started to run wild with theorizing what could’ve been behind the curtain.

_There’s no way that they… they’re not… they would’ve been smarter about it.... If they were… it’s not like they have … was the window open or closed…_

His train of thought was interrupted by knocks on the door, followed by Felix entering the room, “Jisung-? Oh Minnie what are you doing here, back from vocal training?” Jeongin grunted after being interrupted for a second time and turned to face the wall giving Seungmin the opportunity to respond.

“Yeah, I needed to charge my phone,” he pointed towards Jeongin, “and to bother him”.

“Nice. Do you know where Jisung is? Is he with Chan-hyung?” Seungmin shook his head, “I guess I’ll text him?”

Seungmin nodded and waved before Felix closed the door. He returned to his phone, trying to avoid thinking about the couple.

When Jisung had returned to his room in less than an hour, the sight of Seungmin turned his ears red. He casually ran his hands through his ruffled hair, “Earlier in your room, uh,” he quickly glanced at Jeongin, cautiously watching his words, ‘...you left your charger”.

“I figured it out, don’t worry”. 

That night Minho’s bed was empty. It wasn’t until Seungmin had heard Hyunjin talking in his sleep from the bunk below him that he realized how late it was getting. He unlocked his phone and set an extra alarm before tucking it under his pillow. He grabbed his eye mask and earplugs, placing them on his blanket, before removing his eyeglasses and placing them on the spot next to his pillow. After wearing his ear plugs, he leaned forward to grab the pillow behind his back and tucked it in next to him under the blanket. He pushed body under the blanket before locating and bringing his eye mask around his head. Seeing and hearing nothing, he began to rid the day from his mind. 

_Make sure that when you get out of bed you pull Hyunjin out of bed too. He said I could tickle him if he resists so we’ll see how that goes. Can’t miss that extra alarm or both of us will be late... Maybe Minho will wake us up when he comes back to find clothes or something. Does he not wear underwear when he sleeps with Jisung or does he only wear… I did not need either of those mental images… Jisung probably makes him put on clothes? But Jisung doesn’t always wear… But Jeongin’s in there too and they won’t have the curtain there I…Maybe he’s wearing his eye mask tonight but then that means that they might try to… Maybe that’s why he asked where to get earplugs… oh god... what has that boy witnessed._

Seungmin shuddered at where his mind had taken him. He turned on his side and grabbed the pillow next to him, locking his arms around it. Like his eye mask and earplugs, this too was part of his nightly routine. Embracing somebody that wasn’t there, and having them fall asleep in his arms, hoping that one day the intimacy would be reciprocated. The practice could slow down his mind when it raced, or shut down intrusive thoughts. Drifting off to sleep he nuzzled the pillow into his neck with a passing thought.

_Maybe this is why Jisung likes Minho._

* * *

“I’ll be jealous if you end up as his soulmate” Seungmin said sarcastically after being promptly eliminated after one round with Lee Know. He traded spots with an excited looking Han before rejoining the others. 

“Fourth time to be eliminated first,” Seungmin said, holding up four fingers, “I’m really good at this”. The competitive part of him was slowly coming out, wanting to play the game just a bit longer to see how strategic he could get. _It’s probably my fault that no one’s giving me a chance._

Within a few minutes, the members all dramatically gasped as Jisung returned to the room instead of Changbin, letting out a big sigh, “I even brought up the sexy dance”. The mood soon returned to its bright state. Jisung curled up on the couch next to Seungmin before pretending to sob into his hands. 

“Guess you have to break up now,” Seungmin joked while patting his back, “this show was made specifically for you two and you couldn’t even last one round”.

“Seungmin-ahh,” he whined, slapping Seungmin’s arm, “soulmates don’t need to think alike to be meant for each other. That's the only reason I’m not still in there“.

“He’s actually going to try when you’re in the hot seat,” he assured the balled up Jisung, “you have another chance, so just don’t screw it up”. 

Jisung sighed, knowing that points had been made, “I’m surprised you didn’t last longer Seungmo,” he said. He started to unfurl his limbs so that he could sit down properly. He pulled out his phone and turned it on its side, “aren’t you two enemies because you’re the same?”

_So if I’m so similar to Minho, where’s my Jisung?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter used to be me just admiring how Minsung got along as whatever they are; watching them interact is cute it makes me want to fall in love. The challenge when writing this chapter was trying to lessen how obnoxiously loud Minsung could be. What happened behind the curtain is up to the reader. There are some good Minsung fics on here that also make use of Minho's curtain lol. 
> 
> I have parts of every chapter written except Chapter 3. As I type out this note I am trying to sort through what I have left to write and how to space it out. I realize now that I have quite a bit of work ahead of me.
> 
> EDIT: I have made edits for accuracy and to set the flashback timeline to around May 2020 instead of during/after God's Menu


	3. Chan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have edited a couple details from Chapter 2 after learning that Seungmin's bed is actually the top bunk and to establish a more consistent timeline for flashbacks, which are currently happening around May 2020.
> 
> I hate Seungmin because he made me listen to Day6 songs and now I can't stop. This chapter is best accompanied by You Were Beautiful (either Seungmin's cover or the original)

“Number 2, he talks too much”. 

“Because I’m getting old just like you,” Seungmin retaliated.  _ At least I explained my answer thoughtfully, unlike I.N. _

“So what’s your conclusion?”

“My conclusion is that I don’t want to choose either of the two,” he admitted, no longer interested in what Chan had to say.  _ Well this round was a bust. _

“You’re Han aren’t you,” Chan guessed from the opposite side of the screen. Seungmin's mouth dropped open as he let out an internal scream. Since he didn’t explicitly say that he chose between him and I.N, Seungmin read the younger’s smile and wave as a sign to leave. After singing a playful line to lighten the mood he left his earphones on the chair. 

“Bye bye baby. I failed again”. 

* * *

“You sounded great to me,” Chan voice resonated through his headset, “do you really want another take?

“At least the last sections one more time… I feel like I’m not expressing the song’s emotions well enough,” Seungmin answered, “I’ve practiced it for the past week but like, emotionally... I’m lacking”. Any of the members could have attested to listening to him trying to force an ounce of hurt into his delivery. Wonpil’s voice could make him feel some type of way, but trying to get his own voice to have a similar effect was certainly a challenge. Now that he was in the recording booth he was starting to get frustrated with his dilemma. 

“Never had a beautiful girl break your heart?” Chan asked, to which Seungmin shook his head.

“I asked some of the members for… well… nevermind,” he felt a little embarrassed and adjusted his headset in case his ears were starting to turn red. 

The older crossed his arms around his chest and began to think before speaking back into the mic, “it’s originally a breakup song, right? But what part of a breakup is emotional?” 

_ I haven’t even dated anyone, how am I supposed to know?  _ “Um, I don’t know, watching them cry?” He cringed at what he said, “my knowledge is limited to the music video and the K-dramas that Hyunjinnie’s cried over...”  _ At this rate that’ll be the only relationship experience I’ll have for a while... _

“Okay crying, yeah, what makes people cry over breakups,” he chuckled lightly before tensing up again, furrowing his brow. He leaned back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling to think, “maybe one person is regretful or sorry for what they did to cause the breakup, and maybe the other person has already moved on. Or maybe one of them will miss doing things with the other person, like maybe because they had a lot of history together”. He looked back at Seungmin, who only stared back blankly. He went on, “you could probably get just enough emotion out of the song even if you don’t capture the romantic aspect of a breakup.”

“So you’re suggesting...”

“You Were Beautiful...” Chan began, “if you ignore the lines out about the other person being pretty, it’s... it becomes about losing someone that you were close to, and like, looking back, missing what you had together… Maybe that’s something you’ve experienced?”

_ Oh _ . Seungmin gulped, breaking eye contact with the other. He re-adjusted his headset and nodded. 

“Did that help?” Chan’s voice was laced with concern for the other, “We can talk about it.”

“I don’t think I’m ready for that yet,” he murmured.  _ I shouldn’t come out to him right now… It’s too long of a story… And not at the studio it would be unprofessional... I’m literally in front of a microphone someone else might hear… I’ll wait until we get back to the dorm…  _ “but I think I’m ready for another take.” Seungmin stepped up to the microphone honing in on his loneliness and remorse.  _ For once being gay is useful. _

* * *

“Looks like he’s locked onto his target,” Changbin let out a sigh. Jisung had just returned from his round with Chan and so the remaining members had reached a mutual consensus

“What if Lee Know-hyung tries to win, he hasn’t won yet right?” Jeongin contested.

“Chan knows it’s Felix,” Changbin explained, “won’t stand a chance”. 

“And I haven’t gone yet Innie,” Jisung smirked. Almost everyone in the room rolled their eyes but Jisung was unbothered.

From his spot on the floor next to the coffee table, Seungmin pleaded, “Hannie you need to pick me. Even Chan thought he was eliminating you instead of me; we’re meant for each other.”

“Both Chan and I couldn’t tell that it was you,” Changbin interrupted, “but you think the guy with three brain cells will be able to?” Jeongin snorted and Hyunjin almost choked on his lunch. Jisung blinked twice at Changbin, attempting to give him a Minho-esque death glare.

“3RACHA only has three brain cells,” Seungmin said, reclaiming his question and effectively sending the room into chaos. He could see Hyunjin was on the floor slapping his hands against the carpet while Jeongin watched, unable to contain his laughter. Changbin started yelling at Seungmin looking like he wanted to strangle him, so Jisung started yelling at Changbin and putting himself in between the two of them as a barrier to defend him. Changbin sat back down and Jisung gave Seungmin a high-five before sitting back down himself. “See Hannie, I know you very well”.

“Who knows Hannie well?” Minho stepped in, “were you talking about me?” It was now official that Felix had won the title of Chan’s soulmate.

“Don’t worry, we were only talking about people with brain cells,” Changbin chimed in. Luckily for Changbin, Minho was looking for something to eat on the opposite side of the room. 

“When we get back to the dorm we’ll count and see how many you’ll still have,” he teased. Seungmin tapped the couch cushion to get Jisung’s attention after being interrupted yet again. 

“No promises Seungminnie,” Jisung replied, “if you know me so well then you’ll know what to say”. He smiled before exiting to head to the upstairs set, leaving Seungmin’s hopes high but expectations low. Chan and Felix rejoined the others shortly after, as they came in arm in arm like they were about to announce their engagement. He might have picked Felix to be his soulmate, but by the looks of it, Chan was the winner of his own round. 

After unlinking himself from Chan, Felix sat on the couch directly behind Seungmin before pulling him into the space between his knees and resting his chin on the other’s beanie. He began to softly sing Day6’s  _ Congratulations  _ as Felix tapped the beat onto his shoulders. He leaned back into Felix, closing his eyes and feeling his warmth. _ This boy really is sunshine _ . 

* * *

Felix heard knocks on his door. It was pitch black in his room besides the light from his phone screen and the 11:29 LED clock display on the shelf. “Changbin-hyung?” he said, using his arms to prop him up into a sitting position on his bed, “you can turn on the lights”. To his surprise, neither of his roommates were slowly opening the door. It was instead a taller figure, who closed the door behind him, leaving the lights off. Felix sat up entirely, “Seungmin?”

“C-can we talk?” he stuttered, “... Channie-hyung hasn’t left the studio”.

“Of course,” he replied. He reached up to pull back the curtains behind his bed so that they wouldn’t be in complete darkness. Seungmin sat quietly on the bed and took a deep breath.

Since he shared his room with two members of 3RACHA, his room was often empty at this hour, especially leading up to comebacks when they were constantly trying to meet deadlines. It wouldn’t be uncommon to find Felix wandering the dorm’s common areas at this time of night. It usually meant that he was looking for the attention or company of other members, sometimes waiting in the living room for others to stumble in, or more boldly knocking on bedroom doors and asking for cuddles. 

On particular nights, Felix would look specifically for Seungmin when he had a lot on his mind and wanted to share any concerning thoughts. He became a bit more talkative before bed and was recognized as a great listener among the members. Tonight Felix could feel something was off with his friend. Seungmin did have strange dorm habits, including coming into people’s rooms (accompanied by optional strange noises), then abruptly taking off. However the boy sitting on his bed was not the same. 

“Is everything okay?” he asked, as he gazed at the still silhouette of his member’s side profile. He could see a tiny speckle of moonlight reflected in his round eyeglasses.

“Mostly,” he mumbled.

“Do you want the blanket?” He nodded, before quietly joining Felix under the covers and sitting up against the wall, “Did you have something to say?”

He nodded and took another breath, “How does one…. when do you,” he took another breath, “when did you, like, know that... How did you know that you, were, uh.., weren’t like the others”

Felix watched as the other’s fingers fiddled with the blanket, detecting how his nerves were in control. He reached out to hold Seungmin’s hand, stabilizing both his fingers and his voice.

“How did you know... that you weren’t straight?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter and took longer to write because I was sorting out which flashback scenes happen with which HKR episodes. As a result I think there is going to be an additional chapter, but I do have a much clearer idea of how everything fits together. As much as I want to skip everything and publish the final scene, I do need to build up to where HKR peaks (or plummets) for our dandy boy.


	4. Han

“What’s a personality trait you wish to change the most?”

“I don’t have one, I’m just perfect”. 

With both Chan and Felix bested by the contender of Han’s round, Seungmin had almost lost all hope for becoming Han’s soulmate. What kept his spirits up was that he was the sixth of seven which meant only two obstacles stood in his way. _But of course one of them had to be Lee Know_. Even just listening to the pair laugh over their banter showed him no promise of victory, but he stayed afloat after hearing Han admit that Number 4 had been around for too long. 

“I tend to think too hard,” Seungmin answered honestly. 

* * *

Felix looked up at the clock which now read 1:38. He stroked Seungmin’s hair as he laid on his chest, his breathing was steadier than it was an hour ago. Over the past two hours, Felix had elaborated more on his journey to self-discovery while Seungmin had opened up completely, submitting all of his vulnerability to his friend. He could sense that both of them were now growing sleepy. 

Up to this point, Felix had approached each member individually to let all of them know that he was bisexual. Few were surprised to find out, and he was lucky enough that all of them were supportive. Only Chan had told Felix to be cautious about the subject, especially when interacting with management, as to avoid any possible controversy regarding a gay Stray Kids member. It was for this reason that Seungmin had chosen to come out to Felix first and not necessarily because Chan was away at the studio.

Unlike the previous times he had come out, Seungmin wasn’t relieved, but rather apologetic. He had apologized to Felix, under the impression that he would be dragging him into his personal life, and that it would be burdensome for Felix to hold onto this new information. He apologized to him for making a big deal out of something that he thought was something he was supposed to sort out by himself. He apologized to him for not coming out sooner, believing that Felix had trusted him more than he had trusted Felix. 

Unlike the previous times he had come out, Seungmin didn’t feel better about himself. He had felt hopeless after vocally laying out all emotional baggage related to his sexuality, outright acknowledging his regrets after losing his friend and the state of loneliness that he found himself in. His mind had brought himself lower, as he told Felix that he was still hiding in his closet because there were too few people in his life that he trusted. He had begun to think that he was selfish.

Unlike the previous times he had come out, Seungmin was reassured. Felix had made it clear that coming out was a perfectly valid subject to make a big deal out of. That him coming out to Felix was independent of Felix coming out to him, and that he had not betrayed his trust in any way. That although his friend’s reaction could have been better, Seungmin shouldn’t continue to blame himself for how things turned out. That he was grateful that Seungmin had told him, and that he certainly would not leave his side like his friend had before.

“I’m very proud of you Seungminnie,” he said while yawning, “you should be proud of yourself too”.

Seungmin felt Felix’s heartbeat slowing down, letting him know that he was free to spend the night with him. He let out a sniffle, feeling sorry once more for covering Felix’s pajamas with tears. 

“You’re not as lonesome as you think you are, you have me,” he continued. He yawned once more, “you and I, we’re in this together, we’re on the same team”.

* * *

Still riding the high he had felt when Lee Know was sent back to the room, this was the most determined Seungmin had felt all day. Not only was it his first time surviving a round, but was now in the final round. He could tell that Hyunjin wasn’t putting much effort into his responses too; he even winked at Seungmin on his way in. 

“Another question? Sure, let’s say… skydiving. You two went skydiving together but the plane is about to crash and you have to jump off now,” Han rambled on, “but there’s only one parachute. Who will you give it to? Use it for yourself or give it to the other person”.

 _Hyunjin could take the parachute, but knowing him, he’d probably make me use it? I should be thinking what Han would do in the situation though, uhh, if I let Han take it he would actually take it, so I should say I’d take the parachute for myself… That’ll make me look bad. Is this a trick question?_ He exchanged a look with the blond who looked like he was trying to word his answer. He then nodded, letting Seungmin know that he could give his answer first. 

“Okay then for me, I’ll hug the other person who’s falling and share the parachute with him,” he spoke truthfully, “I know it doesn’t make sense but it will be like a movie scene”. _Nice. Being honest and self-aware._ “I thought you’d like that”.

* * *

Twas mandatory movie night at the dorm as Chan would call it. Not wanting to overwhelm the members during promotions, he made sure that he locked all of them down for at least one night to spend time as a family instead of an idol group in the midst of a comeback during a global pandemic.

Hyunjin and Jeongin were leaning up against the couch, but on the floor with a blanket wrapped around their backs. Changbin was laying down on the armrest on one side of the sofa, and to Seungmin’s surprise the sofa’s corner spot was still vacant. He stumbled into the vacant seat and crossed his legs before looking into the kitchen where the remaining members were organizing snacks. After a few beeps from the microwave, Felix came out of the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn in hand and eyed Seungmin. He walked over to the corner at which he sat and set the bowl of popcorn next to him. 

“You took my spot, so I’m here to take it back,” he said, then quickly took a seat atop his lap. 

Seungmin winced at Felix’s boney bottom on his groin. He lifted up the boy, opened his legs and set Felix back down in between them. He let out a giggle before leaning back onto Seungmin’s shoulder, letting his body go limp, and melting into him. Seungmin looked down to see Felix beaming at him, before wrapping his arms around his waist and rubbing his stomach. Felix hummed out of satisfaction before grabbing a bit of popcorn from the bowl next to them. He put one in his own mouth before offering some to Seungmin. He opened his mouth letting Felix push the flake onto his tongue. He sucked on the butter, letting it dissolve in his mouth before chewing on it. 

This process was repeated until Seungmin’s eyelids had become heavy and he was no longer sure when Felix was holding up a piece to his lips. He couldn’t even remember the title of the movie Han had picked out for the group. Not before long, he had fallen asleep to the sweet melody of the opening credits and the soft chewing motions of Felix’s jaw.

“Seungminnie wake up,” Felix greeted the boy poking at his cheek. His eyes fluttered open as he was greeted by the same face he saw before dozing off, “I gotta go to the bathroom, you held me prisoner the whole time”. Barely registering his surroundings he untangled his arms from the boy. Felix crawled onto the floor, and groaned while stretching his limbs. He looked around to see screen paused on the roll of credits, a bowl of popcorn kernels to his side, blankets ruffled on the floor, and Changbin asleep on the opposite corner of the sofa.

“Why not wake me up earlier?” he mumbled.

Felix got up and off of the floor, “if I got out I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get back in. Also you look cute when you sleep,” he admitted before ruffling Seungmin’s hair and strolling away. Still groggy from his nap, he stretched his own limbs and let out an audible yawn.

“You two make a cute couple,” Jisung said as he passed by. He pulled out his phone to show the younger a picture of the pair cozied up on the couch. Seungmin squinted at the sudden flash of light before staring at the photo. Felix smiled for the camera while Seungmin was out cold, mouth slightly open. _I mean... we kinda do look cute...I hope I didn’t drool-_ Jisung scrolled to the next photo which was a close-up of a sleeping Seungmin with cats drawn on his cheeks and forehead in black marker. He scrolled once more to show another photo of Felix, this time making a kissy face at Seungmin's kitties. He let out a loud groan before Jisung pocketed his phone, picked up the bowl of kernels, and headed to the kitchen, “get a room next time.”

* * *

“Number 6 is living in a fantasy”. 

_Bruh… Hyunjin was throwing and still gave the better answer… My answer was like… decent… Am I really this terrible... I thought-_

“One last question,” Han blurted out. Seungmin sighed, “hamburger or pizza?”

“Pizza”.

“I hate both. Kimchi stew,” Seungmin spoke truthfully without thinking, sealing his fate for the episode. The staff member blinked at him once before nodding and starting to relay his answer back to Han. Shortly after receiving the message, Han was quick to choose Number 7 as his soulmate, leaving Hyunjin confused and Seungmin annoyed at the outcome, “you’re Han’s soulmate,” he muttered passive-aggressively on his way out. 

“Oh Seungmin! Is it Seungmin?”

“He was Number 6 you fool”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is at this point that I regret stretching this plot out for so long.
> 
> Again, I don't want to assume any of the member's sexuality. SeungLix is just guys being dudes. 
> 
> I also realized that Felix probably sleeps on the top bunk so the last chapter might be weird but I'm out of energy to fix it.


	5. Felix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I wrote this fic out of order you get double the chapters per one update! Yay!

“I chose Han,” Changbin said, just as Han and Hyunjin returned from their selfie, “unfortunately”. Jisung stuck out his tongue in his direction before joining Minho on the couch.

“I picked Chan,” mumbled Minho. He glared at Hyunjin who was following Jisung for a moment, causing Hyunjin to look around for another place to sit. He adjusted his beanie before taking a seat at Jeongin’s feet on the carpet on the other side of the room. 

“And I chose Felix,” Chan proclaimed, proud of his accomplishment.

“I also chose Felix,” Jeongin said, air high-fiving Chan, “so Felix will have at least two soulmates today”. 

“Wouldn’t that be three?” asked Han. Felix was then being called out to be led upstairs as he got up from his spot in between Changbin and Jeongin. 

“No, he could pick me or Chan again. So at least two,” Jeongin explained waving at the blond.

The other members shouted their goodbyes at Felix. Some blew kisses even if he wasn’t facing them to see.

“I chose Changbin,” Hyunjin said, picking up the conversation, “and Han chose me for some reason, so that’s two for each of us,” he looked across the room, “so maybe we should let someone who hasn’t been picked yet win”. Seungmin looked up and was met with Hyunjin’s half smile and bright eyes. He recognized the expression as one that Hyunjin would do before during music shows. _Hopeful but nervous._

“Well that’s not for us to decide,” Chan said defensively. He straightened his back, “we don’t know what Felix will ask or what he wants in an answer”.

“Yeah but you can give joke responses instead of trying to win him over,” explained Jeongin, “You guys can have him, we already matched earlier and I don’t need more than one soulmate”. Chan clearly didn’t feel the same way but nodded at the boy.

“I wanna win once,” said Minho, “and I don’t wanna be soulmates with Kim Seungmin”.

Hyunjin got off of his spot on the floor, walked towards Seungmin and Chan’s chairs and chose to sit on Seungmin’s lap instead of the vacant armchair to his right. Seungmin wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling them both into the back of his chair. “You don’t have to win to know that Felix loves you,” Hyunjin mumbled.

Seungmin grunted, “I know that, but I keep getting eliminated so quickly. Only Han kept me for a second round... I could’ve won that time too since it was you and me in the finals”. 

Hyunjin thought for a moment, “it’s a game of chance,” he paused, carefully thinking through his words, “Han picked you over Lee Know-hyung,” he paused again, “this barely has anything to do with soulmates, it doesn’t mean that-”

He was interrupted by a staff member who called up Seungmin and Lee Know to get going. Hyunjin stood up, holding onto Seungmin’s hand and giving it a squeeze before letting go and taking the spot next to Chan. They were accompanied back into the white room, and put their earbuds in quietly. Felix greeted his first two contestants giving Seungmin his cue. 

“Annyeong, baby. If I don’t become your soulmate then I’m not soulmates with anyone, so I hope you choose me. It’s unlucky that I’m first because now I have to pass 7 questions”. He could tell Lee Know was rolling his eyes as Felix responded.

“Is number 1 Hyunjin?”

* * *

“You and Felix have been close lately”. 

Seungmin looked up from his phone and down to the blond’s head resting on his thigh. Hyunjin was staring him down expecting a response. “What do you mean by close? You’re the one on my lap right now aren’t you?” 

“And you were sitting on his lap when we were recording earlier,” Hyunjin explained, “never knew you were so fond of giving back hugs. He’s been rubbing off on you… like literally,” he tried to make eye contact but Seungmin was already looking back at his phone, “haven’t seen you ever be so… clingy I guess”. 

“Clingy?!”

“Especially at the dorm, yeah. It’s like he just adopted a new puppy,” he paused before snickering to himself, “you’re lucky Chan’s always busy at the studio. If I were him, I might be jealous,” Hyunjin lifted his head off of his lap to sit up next to his friend, “hand me that blanket real quick”.

After palming a folded blanket on top of Hyunjin’s pillow, he then handed it off to Hyunjin, letting the folds come loose. “Is it really just me?” He was defending his case. He had come to realize that over the past month he had taken a great liking to Felix and especially his back hugs. The fact that Hyunjin was confronting him about it now wasn’t too reassuring, since it probably wasn’t just Hyunjin that had caught on. “Isn’t Felix clingy with you and like literally everyone else?”

“Well you aren’t usually clingy with any-” Hyunjin cut himself off only to reposition his posture, “I mean, only you’ve been sleeping in his bed”. Out of the corner of his eye, Seungmin watched as the older slouched his back and bent his legs so that his toes were barely hanging off of the mattress. He then picked up his phone, unlocking it to check his text messages. “Last time I checked, he was the one coming to one of our beds for hugs,” he said, sounding almost as if he was being let down, ”not that anything’s wrong with you getting close, it’s just different I guess. You sure there’s nothing going on with you lately?”

Laying his phone face down on his thigh he pondered for a moment. “Felix is easy to talk things out with... and he understands some of the things that I’ve had on my mind for a while,” he admitted, not trying to allude to anything particular. “We all know Felix loves back hugs… they help me clear my mind when I get overwhelmed… especially with all the promotions we’ve been doing lately. Spending time with Felix is like, stress relieving almost”. 

Hyunjin smiled weakly. He sat up before propelling his body forward to edge himself off of the bed, planting his feet on the floor soon after. He let out a sigh, neither of disappointment nor relief. Then he leaned forward bringing his head to hang low and reached up to scratch the back of his neck, “I’ll keep that in mind”. 

* * *

"It’s not good that he’s starting with praises," Seungmin muttered. He sat up, mouth agape as Felix then expressed that he was curious about Lee Know’s answer.

“I want to give Number 2 a chance,” Felix said through the screen. His opponent couldn’t help but laugh, “Please recommend to me a country to go to”.

* * *

For another night Seungmin had found himself between Felix’s sheets. His arms were wrapped around the smaller boy’s waist, his head nuzzled into the back of his neck, and his legs entangled with the other’s. He could faintly smell a flowery scent from what he assumed to be the shampoo or conditioner that he used. He decided to bury his nose into the back of Felix’s hair, giving it a playful sniff. He could feel Felix’s body tense up at the abrupt sensation, as if he had actually sent a shiver down his spine. “Your hair smells good today”, he mumbled into the back of his neck.

“I washed it this morning,” he giggled. Felix tapped at Seungmin’s hands around his waist allowing him to untangle himself from his grip. He tucked in his body and began to roll onto his back, out from under their shared blanket. He stretched his arms and legs, letting out a whimper, barely audible over the squeaking of the bunk bed. He settled on his side to face Seungmin, leaving his hand to loosely fall on the pillow in between their faces. 

After bringing the blanket back up to cover Felix’s lower half, he mirrored his posture letting his hand fall next to Felix’s. Seungmin smiled and gazed as the blond stacked their hands, curiously comparing their hand sizes. Seungmin briefly closed his fingers before letting it go limp again for Felix to explore. Sensing a yawn, Felix brought his hand to cover his mouth, then returned it to Seungmin’s.

“Did you wanna sleep here tonight?” Felix asked, tracing the lines of Seungmin’s palm, “I think it’s supposed to be a little chilly”.

“It depends,” he said boldly. Closing his palm around his finger he started to take the smaller hand into his own, interlacing their fingers. He was hopeful, but nervous.The entire experience was completely new to him. 

“Depends on what?” he giggled. He started to play with their hands, bouncing both against his pillow repeatedly. It would be up to Felix to decide how far they got tonight.

“If you say yes,” he replied, giving Felix’s hand a squeeze. As collected as he might’ve been coming off, he was unsure if this would be a good idea. He didn’t think through what possible outcomes could be.

“I’ll give you an answer but you’ll have to ask me first,” he said with a smile. In return he gave Seungmin’s hand a squeeze as well. Seungmin wondered if Felix was feeling as adventurous as himself, or if he was truly clueless about what Seungmin was trying to hint at. 

Felix then began to move his other hand searching under the blanket for Seungmin’s other hand. After swiftly stroking over the top of the other’s thigh, he had held onto what he had found. Bringing another pair of hands from under the blanket, he bumped the pairs of hands together. Seungmin’s heart was racing, and he could only hope that his breathing sounded normal in that moment. He freed his fingers from Felix’s loosened grip, leaving Felix to close both of his small hands into smaller fists. Seungmin clasped both of them between both of his palms.

“Can I kiss you?”

* * *

“I choose Number 2”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have watched Heart Kids Room, you know where this cliff hangs. 
> 
> I have only a few sections left to write for the final chapter so it should not be long until this fic is complete. I regret making the story 6 chapters long but I hope that the ending will be worth it. I really like it.


	6. Seungmin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have reached the last episode of Heart Kids Room and thus the end of the story.
> 
> I wrote this instead of studying for literally anything. At last I am finally free.

“May I say something?”

“Don’t be so clingy”.

“I’ve done this seven times today. Seven times with all eight members besides myself. Six times out of seven, I was eliminated immediately. I really hoped you wouldn’t eliminate me so soon”.

“Stop saying that. It’s so clingy”.

“I still want to ask...”. He watched Felix read his message. 

“Who is it? I’m so curious”, he says through the screen.

“I couldn’t take a selfie with anyone,” he said. Felix read the message as it came in and apologized, keeping a cheerful smile on his face for the camera, clutching his heart for effect.

“Would you change your mind?”

“I have to go with how I feel”.

“You’re not right for him, so stop being clingy and go”.

“Do you know how it feels to not be chosen by anyone? I know... We’re on the same team but it still breaks my heart... You are just like the others”. 

* * *

The two boys heard footsteps approaching, set their sights on the bedroom door, and watched the doorknob turn before Changbin stepped in. He greeted the pair, and the two simply waved back. He started to sift through his drawer looking for clean clothes, as the two boys just watched, sitting on Felix’s bunk in silence and cross-legged. 

“‘I’m gonna go take a shower so I’ll be back in like 20 minutes,” Changbin said, “so uh, you two have until then to do, uh, yeah...” The boys nodded and blinked at him before he left the room as if he had embarrassed himself in front of them. The silence in the room continued for over a minute. Seungmin pulled his hands into his sleeves making his signature sweater paws, as his hands were starting to become cold. 

“It’s getting kinda late...” Felix spoke shyly, “so uhh, you can still sleep with, uh, sleep here tonight... I know I didn’t say yes but...”

Seungmin looked down at his paws, “I think tonight… I think I need some time with…with my thoughts,” he answered. As monotonous as his voice had come out, his head was screaming at him. His mind was nowhere and everywhere at once. His mind a mess, his thoughts a dense butt of emotions, all disagreeing with each other. He hopelessly searched for any indication of what he should do or say to Felix to make light of the situation. 

Felix tapped on his knee before extending his arms inviting Seungmin for a hug. He shifted into the other’s arms, and held him close. Seungmin rested his chin on Felix’s shoulder to which Felix had reciprocated. Seungmin’s hug was cold like his hands, with the warmth drained from his body. Felix tried his best to heat him up, pulling him closer and nuzzling into his neck, “I’m sorry…” he mumbled before squeezing him once and breaking away.

“It’s me that should feel sorry…” Seungmin wanted to look him in the eye but it was as if his body was preventing him from doing so. He could only focus on his lips and the freckles under his eyes. He sighed and let go of Felix, crawling over to the ladder, hearing only the squeaks of the bed’s metal structure. 

“Good night,” Felix said, giving a weak smile as he closed the door behind him. 

He sighed once more before returning to his assigned bedroom, opening the door and shutting it quietly behind him. He left the lights off but could still see the curtain on Minho’s bed was pulled back, exposing an empty bed. He approached the lump on Hyunjin’s bunk, gently tapping on his blanket. “Hyung, wake up... please,” he said. Not receiving a response he pulled back the blanket, rubbed his back, and pleaded a little louder, “please Hyunjinnie...”. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Seungmin could see a second head of darker hair on Hyunjin’s pillow. The other boy let out a grunt, and untangled an arm from Hyunjin's torso before turning his head towards Seungmin, eyes half open, and half asleep. Seungmin’s eyes widened as he could now see Hyunjin fast asleep with Jeongin curled up behind him.

“What?” Jeongin sharply whispered to get his attention. Seungmin was frozen still and it wasn’t from the lack of heat. The younger rubbed his eye with the hand that wasn’t trapped under Hyunjin’s body weight. Realizing how perplexed Seungmin was by the situation he groaned, ”it's cold and everyone else is bed hopping tonight. Like you with Felix...” he let out a yawn. He waited for Seungmin to speak up but he was met with no response. Looking back at the boy sleeping at his side he asked, “...do you want me to wake him up?” Seungmin stared at his members for a few more seconds, evaluating his options without a clear mind. 

“It can wait...” 

Jeongin whined, before pulling the blanket over his shoulder and wrapping his arm around Hyunjin’s waist. Seungmin backed away from the bed. His last clear thought was to grab a sweater on their shared dresser. After setting his glasses down, he pulled the article of clothing over his head, unsure if it needed to be washed. He could tell by the fit and its scent that the sweater didn’t belong to him. The inside was initially cold, but it would keep his body heat in better than what he was wearing before.

After stumbling in the dark, unable to see anything, he made his way up the bunk bed ladder and onto his bed. The sheets were cold, as were his pillow case and the top layer of his folded blanket. Not wanting to disturb Jeongin more than he already had, he tucked himself in while making his movements as small as possible so the bed frame wouldn’t squeak. From under his thin blanket, Seungmin hugged his pillow tightly, rubbing his hands over the surface, trying to create enough friction to generate an ounce of warmth. As the night went on, his head and his toes were going numb. The overflow of thoughts coupled with the lack of any emotional reaction or physical response had taken its toll. It was like his body had given up, yet it still wouldn’t let him sleep.

* * *

He dropped the earphones back on the chair, avoiding Minho’s direction and forcing a smile for the camera. Chan stepped in before he was out of the frame and gave him a sympathy hug, “I’ll take a selfie with you”. He looked up at the ceiling holding his smile before breaking free from Chan’s arms. A sad song fell from his lips as he heard Lee Know snickering behind him.

“Noo, Seungmo!” He was hugged by Jisung as soon as he stumbled through the doorway. The other members cried out for his loss from their corners of the room. After getting an excessive number of pats on the back from Jisung, he shuffled himself onto the couch while avoiding eye contact with anyone. He fell into the cushions and buried his face in a throw pillow before letting out a muffled groan. 

_It’s just a game… Felix couldn’t even tell it was me… but you’re literally the only member who… He couldn’t take the hint...and now you’re gonna be mad about it… mad at him? For playing the game like he was supposed to... You wanna cry over Felix for not choosing you?… for not feeling the same way as you... or it’s ‘cause he wouldn’t change his mind… wouldn’t even consider… knowing what you told him… well you already knew you’re not meant for each other…_

_He just liked Lee Know’s answer better… you just played a bad round…for the seventh time… the seventh time in a row… out of seven rounds total…You gave the worst answer every round you played… This isn’t about even Felix’s fault… He just happened to be the second last to go up… and you’re the last… literally all the members… one round for almost every member… all the members except you… You’re not like any of the members… they all happen to be compatible with each other… you don’t fit in as well… you’re you…_

_Me… I’m the worst at this stupid game… It’s not a game of chance if my answers make a difference… It’s literally my thoughts that make a difference… and it didn’t matter if I tried or didn’t try… everything I think is wrong… it’s all my fault..._

He felt the weight of the couch cushions shift next him and was soon being pulled off his spot on the couch and out of his head. He kept his hold on the pillow and groaned into it once more, resisting the other’s hold. He kept his face obscured in case he was actually crying, bringing it up for a moment only to peek at who it was. 

* * * 

It was late at night at the dorm. Despite how busy they anticipated their schedule to be the next day and Minho’s brief warning that they should get to bed, Seungmin, Hyunjin, and I.N were staying up late playing video games. Or more accurately, Seungmin watched as the other two went head to head, cheering at the end of each match for whoever lost.

Fresh from his shower, Felix approached the three, letting them know that the bathroom was free to use. Naturally, Seungmin got up as he wasn’t holding a controller at the time, but Felix had called upon him in a semi-serious tone, “actually Seungmin, I was hoping we could talk”. Seungmin nodded as he followed Felix through the dorm and into his room. Upon entering, he took a seat on Chan’s bed and watched as Felix ferociously towel-dried his hair. After hanging his towel on the back of a chair, Felix sat down next to the other. 

“I’m sorry that I cornered you like that the other night,” Seungmin apologized unprompted, “I...I wasn’t thinking… well I wasn’t thinking straight”. 

Felix chuckled at his phrasing, “don’t be sorry, you were smart enough to ask first,” he opened his arms, inviting him in for a hug. Seungmin accepted, taking in the scent of Felix’s conditioner once more, “sorry if it came out harshly, I, uh, didn’t want you to get the wrong idea,” he pulled back before continuing, “I’m also sorry if it felt like I was leading you on”.

“Nah I should’ve asked if I wasn’t sure, like directly asked about what you- what we were doing,” he said, refusing to let the other take the blame, “I figured that I’m just not as used to being that affectionate with other guys”.

“I understand,” Felix nodded, “I’ve been like that too, like in the same situation before with other, uh, other guys. I can be a lot sometimes, so part of that was my fault,” he admitted, “if you want I can hold myself back when I’m around you-” 

“No don’t,” Seungmin interrupted while grabbing Felix’s wrists, “at the end of the day I’m still a touch starved gay mess and I would be even more deprived if you stopped”. 

Felix’s face lit up at the other, “what a mood,” he giggled, “it would be an honour to cuddle you. Especially when we talk about stuff like this,” he leaned into Seungmin and received another embrace before pulling back to speak again, “makes it more comfortable to say what I wanna say. Oh also, I hope it didn’t come across as if I didn’t want to kiss you specifically,” he laughed to himself, “I would’ve brushed my teeth if I knew you were going to ask”.

“Pfft,” he chuckled lightly, “I really dodged a bullet then”.

Felix punched his arm playfully turning his chuckle into a laugh, “but yeah like, I wouldn’t really kiss anyone unless I have strong feelings for them,” Seungmin tilted his head, “like I love you Seungminnie, and you’re a very special person in my life that’s for sure. Just not someone that I’m attracted to in that way”.

“I think I get what you mean,” he nodded indicating his understanding, “like you don’t think we would be compatible?”

“Not like that, well, maybe like that,” he grimaced at his own wording, “like as friends I’d say we’re very compatible but like imagine if we were a couple,” he laughed, “we would die in a house fire trying to barbecue something”. Seungmin sharply breathed out of his nose, agreeing with his sentiment. The blond continued, “I think you’ll feel it, like, it’ll be less ambiguous when you meet your soulmate or whatever. Like you’ll know just by looking at them”.

“Ah, so you’re saying that I’m not your type? Then what-” 

The door was flung wide open by Changbin who’s eyes widened at the two after realizing that his room wasn’t empty and that he could have been intruding on something he shouldn’t have, backpedalling a couple steps. 

“Was I interrupting…” the older asked, “I can leave if I was...” Felix shook his head and assured him that it wasn’t the case. He hesitantly stepped back in. After sifting through his drawers again and grabbing his towel he asked, “you two weren’t talking about me were you?” Seungmin shook his head this time, but Changbin didn’t look too convinced. 

“We weren’t,” Seungmin said before turning towards Felix to see that his cheeks were flushed. 

* * *

After getting a pep talk from the other members, Seungmin was able to pull himself together and put on his best variety persona for the cameras. He didn’t bother to think hard about what responses were given to him or about which member’s might correspond with which number, and completely dismissed that he was looking for a soulmate but rather someone to call his ‘soulmate’.

“I have no idea who it is, but whoever it is, I’ll take a nice picture with them.”

_This game sucks._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SeungLix isn't compatible because they sleep on the same bunk.
> 
> I'd hate to end the story here. 6 chapters ending on a bittersweet note? Title unrelated to the fic? No Hyunjin dialogue? 
> 
> Oh wait


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Best experienced listening to Seungmin’s SKZ-RECORD cover of SANDEUL’s “그렇게 있어 줘" (Stay as you are).

Seungmin heard knocks on his bedroom door and looked up from his phone. Hyunjin peaked his head through the doorway before stepping into the room leaving a creak in the door open, “annyeong baby”.

“You know this is your room too,” he replied, “don’t really have to knock”. He peeled a blanket off of himself and pocketed his phone expecting Hyunjin to reclaim his bed. As he began to shift off of the bed he was stopped. 

“You can stay as you are,” the older instructed, “I’ll join you, if you don’t mind”. The younger nodded. He was reminded of a song he would listen to before he was a trainee and unconsciously started to sing its chorus before switching to soft melodic hums. He tucked his legs back under the blanket and leaned into Hyunjin’s pillows.

Like the night before the blond laid his head down on his stomach. Seungmin offered the other a spot under the blanket to which the blond accepted. After covering his own legs and ensuring that his friend’s legs were also sufficiently covered, Hyunjin clasped his hands over the blanket, “I just wanted to make sure that you were feeling okay. Earlier you seemed a little, err, upset”.

Seungmin stopped humming and thought for a moment. By now he had let go of any strong feelings he had about the game show or any bitterness towards the members. He cringed at how he ended his round with Felix and how he returned to the members, so visibly bothered, acting like a child. He felt embarrassed about letting the members see him in that state and how Hyunjin was still concerned for him until now. 

“Yeah I feel fine. Was overthinking then and I kinda regret that,” he replied.  _ This isn’t reassuring _ , “I got too caught up in my head...bit too worked up… then I remembered it’s just a game of chance,” repeating what he was told that morning. Although he might not have believed it at first, now that he had said himself, both him and the boy laying on him were reassured. “I had the most fun during my round after realizing that I didn’t need to take it so seriously. I’m pretty sure I eliminated Lee Know in like thirty seconds right?”

The older boy laughed which gave Seungmin a chance to laugh as well. Hyunjin turned his head to ask, “we both picked Changbin-hyung right?” Seungmin nodded, “I knew that it would be him, since he brought up how I hate eggplant”.

Seungmin sharply breathed out of his nose out of amusement, “I think I could tell it would be him too,” he thought, ”can’t remember what gave it away. It was fun when Han and I confused him, making him think that he chose me instead.” 

Hyunjin chuckled to himself before shifting himself up onto his side to face Seungmin, resting his head on his chest and throwing an arm over his torso. He softly hummed as the younger brought the blanket up higher and rested an arm around him. 

“You know when Han thought the same when he chose me,” Hyunjin explained, “that he picked you. He was kinda hoping for it too”.

Not knowing what to say, Seungmin leaned his head back as if he was looking into space. He searched his mind, unable to find an appropriate response or relevant addition to the conversation. 

“Isn’t it kinda odd that Han mistook you for me,” Hyunjin said, interrupting his thoughts, or the lack thereof, “and that we both chose Changbin-hyung knowing it was him”. He began to pull them closer together, gripping onto the boy’s waist and squeezing him lightly, “we played such similar games but we didn’t become soulmates”. 

Seungmin gulped. Speechless for the second time, he leaned back even further and continued to stare off into nothing. As if he were falling asleep and beginning to dream, his mind was blank. Breaking what he thought to be an awkward silence, he continued to hum the chorus of the song from before. Timing a beat with his finger onto the other’s sweater, he crooned the ballad’s final chorus before listening only to the gentle breathing of the boy on his chest. He gently brushed the strands of his long blond hair that had fallen out of place, revealing his forehead and closed eyes. 

“Seungminnie?”

“Hmm?” 

“I think I regret choosing Changbin,” he whined, “he’s not as cute as you”. 

Any advanced vocal training was now futile as the blond could tell exactly what he had done, listening to the steady acceleration of the other’s heartbeat. Hyunjin grinned smugly, getting ready to tease him with another squeeze. He was pleasantly surprised when Seungmin pulled him in first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be the ending of the final chapter, but a drabble of dialogue turned into an epilogue where Hyunjin ties everything together, including the addition of Seungmin’s most recent cover; the power that he holds. 
> 
> This story at its core is a Seungjin fic with Heart Kids Room and backstory lodged in the middle. The big brain way to read/reread this fic is Chapter 1, watch Heart Kids Room, then read the epilogue. I don't think I'll ever get tired of writing scenes that take place on Hyunjin's bed.
> 
> Thank you for reading my first attempt at a Stray Kids fic!


End file.
